


we'll find each other if we're meant to be

by taichi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, AtsuHina Week, AtsuHina Week 2020, Heavy Angst, M/M, Red String of Fate, Reincarnation, What Have I Done, but pls dont worry it will have a happy ending i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24551110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taichi/pseuds/taichi
Summary: Trust me, all they ever wanted was to live in a lifetime where they could be together and feel nothing but happiness. The universe heard them loud and clear.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	1. A Story of The Souls That Once Met

**Author's Note:**

> this is my entry for atsuhina week day 2: soulmates au yay! (im sorry i was planning to make it fluff but somehow it ended up with angst!?) also... take a shot every time i write colors and soulmate...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tak banyak memoriku tentangmu, maka kubiarkan hitam semua layarnya." — Nadin Amizah.

For as long as Shouyou lived, he has always been seeing the world in colors and it's weird.

It's weird because in the world he lived in, people can't see colors. People can't see how beautiful cherry blossoms blooming in spring, people can't see seven different colors the eyes can catch in rainbows after the rain stopped, people can't see faint brown colored leaves when autumn arrives — everything is black and white until they meet their soulmates. That was what his parents said, that was also what all of his friends said, that was what everyone said to him.

_He lived in a world where everyone started seeing colors once they meet their soulmates._

Even though Shouyou can see colors, he never recalled him meeting his soulmate, not even the slightest bit. Shouyou never recalled himself seeing the world in black and white, then at some point in his life, he met a certain someone then suddenly he can see the world in colors. He digs the deepest memory buried in his mind but he found nothing. He can't remember anything.

He thought he was sick. He thought that maybe he actually suffered from a disease that makes him able to see colors without even meeting his soulmate. He went to the doctor three times, he went through complicated examinations but they said that he is fine. _You have memory loss of a certain fragment of your life. And it happens to everyone. You're all good._ That's what the doctors told him. So he thought that he had no choice but to believe that he once had met his soulmate and he had no choice but to believe, that somewhere, his soulmate is safe and well. It's only a matter of time before they meet again. Because no matter what, the universe will bring soulmates together, right?

"I can see colors now..." a faint sound of Shouyou's co-worker can be heard.

"Wait... does that mean?"

"It's exactly what are you thinking right now." they said with a grin.

"Oh my god! I'm so happy for you, congratulations!"

Shouyou smiled as he rests his head on his right hand. Sometimes, seeing his friends being all bubbly and bright over them seeing colors for the first time and meeting their soulmates as if they just have seen and found something amazing in their life (they actually are), makes him wonder. How does it feel like to see everything in black and white? How does it feel like, in a blink of an eye to suddenly see the boring and plain world becomes colorful the moment you meet someone? How does it feel like to meet your soulmate? He wanted to feel the joy of staring at someone's eyes as everything around him start to spark in colors. He wanted to feel that so badly, but he can't.

Because his eyes capture everything in different shades of colors yet he had forgotten about the eyes that once stared at his — the eyes that managed to make his world colorful.

To be honest, Shouyou tried his best to not think about his soulmate. Because he's happy with his current life. He has a loving partner, he has a very supportive family, he has amazing friends and he's doing what he loves the most. It's all enough for him. But at some nights in his life, there's a hollow feeling on his chest. A feeling as if he's longing for something — as if he wanted to touch something; as if he wanted to be held. During times like these, he asked himself, _is this what it feels like to be apart from your soulmate?_ It's suffocating him but he can't do anything about it. He can't scream or cry about it — the heaviness on his chest is holding him back from doing that. If this what it feels like to be apart from your soulmate, he couldn't imagine what it feels like when his soulmate dies. Hell, he doesn't want to imagine that. So he just curled up in bed, gripping his chest that weighs a ton to sleep, hoping when the sun rises and the morning comes, the hollow feeling he felt on his chest would be gone.

_How cruel is the universe to separate two beings, made their world colorful but made them forget about each other. How cruel is the universe to create such a scenario and make them suffer with a heavy and hollow painful chest._

[***]

"Shinsuke, do you remember the time when you met your soulmate?"

"Huh? Yeah, of course," Shinsuke closed the book he was currently reading. He put the book back to the bookshelf, as well as his glasses. He moved his seat from his reading chair to the couch, sitting next to Atsumu. "What's with the sudden question?"

Atsumu rests his head on Shinsuke's shoulder. He sighed and closed his eyes. As he closed his eyes, vague memories of him and his soulmate replayed on his mind. He can't see his soulmate's face. It's all blurry. He can't recall what happened too. A lot of things happened and it keeps changing from one memory to another. Soon, his chest began to feel heavy.

"What was it feels like?" 

"Hm," Shinsuke muttered. His eyes stared at the apartment ceiling as a wave of memories rushed into his mind. "It feels amazing. Until now, I can't put it into words."

Atsumu didn't say anything. But his silence meant as if he wanted to hear more than just _I can't put it into words._

"The moment my eyes met his, everything around me felt cold yet at the same time it's warm, it feels soft yet it feels energizing. Suddenly, all the things we've smelled before, all the things we've seen before — it all becomes makes sense. Though, it was all blurry at first. Maybe because my eyes have just started to adjust to capture different colors aside from black and white. But it feels amazing. I'd die to experience that feeling again," There was a smile in Shinsuke's face when he explained the feeling to Atsumu, yet he didn't say anything for once again.

"What about you?"

"Hm?" Atsumu's eyes averted to Shinsuke's dark eyes. 

"What about you? How does it feel like to meet your soulmate and to be able to see colors for the first time?"

There was a solid silence for a few seconds.

"I don't remember," Atsumu answered.

 _Is he lying?_ _Or_ _is he joking?_ Shinsuke can tell well whether Atsumu is lying or not, he too, can tell whether Atsumu is joking or not, and the three words that have just left from his mouth doesn't seem to be a lie or a joke. Atsumu never talked about his soulmate, not even once. He doesn't seem to want to talk about it either, and Shinsuke respected that decision of his. But which part he doesn't remember? Is it solely the feeling, or is it... the person? Or is it both? Either way, to hear Atsumu saying that is very surprising. Maybe that's why he never wanted to talk about it.

"I don't understand," Shinsuke said.

Atsumu gets up from his seat to reach his wallet on the shelf next to the couch. He picked up an old photograph from his wallet and showed it to Shinsuke. It's a photograph of Atsumu and another person when they were still a child. The little boy has orange hair and brown eyes. But they both can't see half of his face because it was torn.

"Who is this?" Shinsuke asked as he pointed the boy.

"My soulmate, I think," he answered. "I can't remember much of my childhood. But I have this, vague memories of it and memories about the time when I started seeing colors too. They suddenly rushed in my mind at random times, sometimes they showed up in my dreams but not too often, and every time they did showed up, his face is always blurry. I never get to see his face but somehow I'm sure that it's him. Every time my mind has done replaying those memories, or when I woke up, I always feel like, there's something missing, and maybe it's him."

_Ah, so he can't remember both the feeling and his soulmate. That explains why he always seems to never want to talk about it._

Atsumu didn't say anything, again, for a few minutes. They can hear nothing but the sound of an electric fan, spreading wind from its propeller. He put the photograph back to its place and put his wallet back to the shelf.

"Have you tried searching for him?"

Atsumu shakes his head. "I don't remember his name, nor his face. It's blurry in my memories and it's torn in this picture."

"But does it hurt? Being apart from your soulmate, I mean."

"Yeah," Atsumu answered.

Atsumu didn't say anything anymore. They both sit still on the couch in silence.

Shinsuke believed that Atsumu's eyes are supposed to shine much brighter than they are right now. But there's this empty space somewhere in the depth of Atsumu's eyes. It's always been there. His eyes tell a different story. He's always looking like he's staring at the void all this time. And it's true.

Atsumu has always tried to ignore the fact that he and his soulmate met when they were children, maybe they were childhood friends and the fact that he's far away somewhere in this world for Atsumu to reach, but he can't. No matter how hard he tries, he can't. He can't ignore the empty hollow space somewhere within him, a space that only made for his soulmate.

Atsumu found the photograph of him and the little boy somewhere when he was still a child. Maybe it was in his parents' room. Maybe he found it in one of the bookshelves. Maybe he found it on his mom's dresser. He can't remember. He did remember asking his parents about the little boy, but his parents didn't answer and instead, his Mom tried to take the photograph away from him. Of course, little Atsumu resisted. It's a picture of him and someone that is supposed to be his friends, why would his Mom try to take it from him? As a result of it, the picture was torn — as if the universe was on his parents' side, it was torn on half of the little boy's face. And seeing that, Atsumu's mom stopped trying to take it away from Atsumu but then proceeded to take a piece of paper that has been torn and throw it away. So that maybe Atsumu won't try to put it back together and see the little boy's face.

He once has seen the face of the little orange-haired boy. But the face of him buried somewhere inside his mind and no matter how hard he tries digging to find it, he can't. He can't remember his face. And he hates himself for that.

[***]

Soulmates, at least in the world Shouyou lived in, either become best friends or lovers. There is no in-between. His grandma told him that. 

"Soulmate is your other half. Your soulmate helps you to see the world in colors, they will also become one of the reasons why your world is colorful. Your soulmate understands you and they're also one of the people who will help you to understand yourself because the world keeps moving on, and everything is all over the place. We get confused sometimes, and that's why your soulmate is there, with you," she explained with such gentle in her eyes, her voice, and her touch who stroked Shouyou's palms. "Maybe it's the universe's way to help us live in a messy world like this. Maybe the universe isn't that cruel."

"But soulmates don't necessarily become lovers. Because we are bind by the red string of fate. Soulmates could be bind by the red string of fate, but that's not always the case," his grandma continued. "Oh, and we don't always meet our soulmate or the person that is bound by the red string of fate with us. Maybe we don't meet them in this lifetime, but we don't know what will happen in our next lifetime. Although I believe that once we reunited with either one of them, we'll always meet them and somehow we'll know it."

To be honest, Shouyou never thinks anything about the red string of fate, because his grandma also said that we can't see them, so we can't know if we and our current lovers are actually bound by it or not. Maybe the red string of fate is just a hopeless romantic story created by his ancestors.

Shouyou glanced upon Tooru, who is sleeping right beside him. Ah... yes. Your soulmate doesn't necessarily become your lover. That explains how Shouyou is now waking up next to Tooru. That also explains how Shouyou is in love with Tooru right now, then and every day. Iwaizumi is Tooru's best friend, as well as his soulmate. _So maybe mine's supposed to be my best friend... But they're out there somewhere._ Kind of ironic to have a best friend but you don't remember either their name or face, eh? He can't even remember the last time he saw them and the last time he talked to them.

Shouyou snuggles inside Tooru's chest, making him woke up from his sleep. "Mm? What's wrong, Shouyou?"

Shouyou buried his face on Tooru's chest. He smells nice. He smells like home. "Tooru, have you ever feel your chest becoming so heavy and painful when Iwaizumi-san is miles away from you?"

Tooru giggled. He ruffled Shouyou's hair. "No, not really. But I do miss him. Why?"

"You know that I... forgot everything about my soulmate. Their face, their name, the last time we talked, the last time we saw each other... everything. And sometimes, my chest feels so heavy and painful," Shouyou explained. Face still buried on Tooru's chest. "I wanted to cry whenever I feel that way but I can't. I can't even scream about it and I'm just curling up in bed, suffocating..."

"I guess that's what happens when you don't remember the slightest bit about your soulmate then," Tooru said then proceed to kiss Shouyou's forehead. "But you have me, and whenever that feeling comes to you, you just need to tell me, okay? I'll be here. I'll try my best to make you feel at ease."

"Okay."

"After all we live together now. I'm so sorry to let you go through that pain... Why don't you ever call me before?"

"It's too painful. All I wanted to do during that time was either cry or scream. But since I can't, I just... sleep."

Tooru once again kissed Shouyou's forehead and hug him tightly. Inside of Tooru's arms, Shouyou feels warm. Maybe Tooru's arms are the safest place on earth. He likes it there. It feels as if every of his problem goes away.

"I won't let you go through that pain alone again. I will be by your side and try my best to help you to not feel that again, got it?" 

"Mhm, thank you, Tooru," Shouyou is now facing Tooru and gave him a very wide smile. Tooru's favorite smile. "Now, let me cook our breakfast." Shouyou jumped off the bed and goes to the kitchen. Tooru smiled seeing him, and the smile faded soon as Shouyou's figures disappeared.

Tooru never knew the pain Shouyou felt because he never experienced it with Iwaizumi. He never felt any pain when Iwaizumi is away from him. His parents, his friends even his co-workers never told him any story of how people feel pain when they're away from their soulmates.

He grabbed his phone on a nightstand next to him and went to the browser, hoping that he would find something but he can't find anything. He can't find any articles that help him to understand why there's someone who feels pain from being away from his soulmate. Maybe Shouyou is a special case. He most likely met his soulmate during childhood and then somehow, something had happened that made him forgot about it. Something maybe had happened that now Shouyou can't find his soulmates anywhere near him.

But maybe and most likely, the pain isn't coming from him being away from his soulmate. Maybe it came from how he had forgotten about their name, their face, their voice, the first time they talked, the feeling when he first time he saw colors, the last time they talked and the last time they saw each other.

_The universe laughed._

[***]

It's summer and the night isn't as hot as it is when it's day time, but it's not cold either. The moon is out and it's crescent-shaped today. You can see how bright the moon shines with the help of the sun, lighting up the world during night time. The moon isn't alone. It's up there with the stars and they shine brightly too. It's pretty. The night sky is pretty. Though you can't really see many of the stars. Probably because it's a little bit cloudy, and probably because you're seeing the night sky below from downtown.

Atsumu is on his way to a boba store 5 minutes away by walking from his apartment. Earlier, he and Shinsuke played pirate roulette game. They take turns inserting a sword into a barrel, and whoever sets the pirate off is the one who loses. The loser has to go to buy boba tea and apparently, Atsumu lost.

"Heh, I'm good at this game, yer gonna lose, Shinsuke," Atsumu said with a big grin on his face as he slowly inserted a sword and just like that, he sets off the pirate.

"You were saying?" Shinsuke laughed while teased Atsumu as he put one hand behind his ear. "Now go~ I want the usual, pearl milk tea please, thank you."

And that was the story of how he is right now ordering two boba tea.

 _I wonder what's my soulmate's favorite boba tea._ He thinks to himself as he waits for his boba to be ready. _What if he doesn't like boba tea... that would be so sad._

Atsumu is always like this. Every day, he wonders what is his soulmate's favorite food, favorite drink, favorite thing to do, does he has any hobbies, what kind of music he listens to, and there are so many other questions. One day when he finally reunites with his soulmate, he'll have a very long list of questions to ask. Maybe a day won't be enough to answer all of them.

Thinking about he always wonder about his soulmate, he couldn't help but wonder does his soulmate wonder just like he does? Does his soulmate... hurting too? In a way where he experienced heavy chest randomly at times when the brain suddenly thought it was the right thing to do to replay the vague memories they have. Does his soulmate even have any memories of Atsumu? Atsumu doesn't know the answer. Not yet. He added those in his list of questions he'll ask once he meets his soulmate.

After five minutes of waiting, his order is ready. He picked it up and walked home.

It's 9.43 PM right now and the streets are still crowded. People are still out here, by themselves or with other people, talking, eating, drinking, laughing. The road is busy with vehicles goes here and there. It's a busy city after all, so of course, it's still gonna be crowded during this time. Atsumu poked on the boba's plastic lid and drink his boba tea. _Ah... at this point, I'll finish my boba by the time I arrived home._

His eyes averted to the sky, but he still walks carefully and he once again wonders,

_Where does my soulmate live? Does he live in downtown — in a busy city just like me? Does he live alone? Or does he has a significant other and they both live together, just like me and Shinsuke? Does he live in an apartment, or a penthouse, maybe condo? Or maybe just a suburban house if he lives in suburbs. Does he —_

Before he managed to think about any other questions, all of his body went numb. His view suddenly became all blurry. His brain can't comprehend what's happening to his body right now. It's busy giving commands to every cell that makes up his body, trying to save him. It's noisy. Crowded streets downtown will always be noisy, but somehow it just gets even worse. His head hurts. Among all other noises, he can hear something drops. _A_ _h shit, Shinsuke's boba._

The next thing he knew is that he's lying on the road. His eyes averted to his surroundings. People are crowding to see him, some of them are pointing their phones at him, but some are on their phone. Maybe they're trying to call someone. He can see people screaming to a certain car by its window too. His eyes hurt. 

He's getting dizzy, so much headache, yet somehow he's sleepy. Was it because it's almost 10 PM already? Maybe not.

He tried to move his legs, his arms, his body, but he can't. No, it doesn't hurt. It's numb and he can see red viscous liquid next to him and on his left hand that are only a few centimeters away from his sight. Then, he finally came to a realization. 

_Ah, I just got hit by a car._

The blood is red. He can still see colors.

_Am I dying?_

His body went all numb but not for his chest. It feels heavy, it's painful, it's suffocating him.

 _I'm sorry._ He can't cry. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. But his body that is getting weaker every second is holding him from doing that. 

_Shinsuke, I love you._ He wanted to clench his fists, he wanted to smack the ground. But he can't, and he feels his body is getting lighter.

This is frustrating for him. Because if anything, all he wanted was to die before his soulmate, so that his soulmate can see the world in colors until the last breath he took. Yet, here he is, lying weakly on the ground after getting hit by a car. The universe is cruel, so cruel, too cruel. As if it's not enough to separate the soulmates, as if it's not enough to remove their memories of each other, only leaving vague memories for Atsumu. Now somewhere, the colors will fade from his soulmate's life. He will now see the world in black and white again. He can't see the crystal clear blue sky in summer, he can't see flowers blooming in spring, he can't see the faint brown colored leaves on autumn, he can't see the pure white snow that are falling from the sky _—_ he can't see the people that he loves so much now. And for that, Atsumu is very sorry.

_I'm sorry, Sh..._

[***]

The sound of the door being knocked can be heard from the living room. Shouyou's mom who was playing with Shouyou that time gets up from his seat and goes straight to the door, followed by Shouyou behind. She reached for the door and opened it to see the neighbor next door with her child. They just moved in a few days ago and they were there to gave the Hinata household a few rice cakes, a way for them to get to know to neighbors.

Her child is a boy, a little bit taller than Shouyou. His name is Atsumu and ever since her mother knocked on Shouyou's house door, they became friends. Atsumu has an identical twin named Osamu. They have the same exact build, same exact face, but somehow Shouyou can tell them apart. Their mothers thought that maybe it's because Shouyou is an observer, that's why he can tell the twins apart. Well, he actually is, but what the mothers failed to understand is the fact that Shouyou and Atsumu are soulmates.

The moment Shouyou's eyes met Atsumu's that time when Shouyou's mom opened the door for him and his mom, both Shouyou and Atsumu's visions became all blurry. But slowly, a wave of color splashing captured by their eyes. They both stayed still in awe as their surroundings began to color. It's a mixed feeling. A five and a six years old child doesn't have enough vocabularies to find the words to explain what it feels like to suddenly see the world they lived in becomes colorful and even prettier than before, and their excitements were mixed ─ it was a mix of them seeing colors for the first time, and them getting a new friend. But the feeling of getting a new friend was much exciting than seeing colors for them, so instead of telling their mothers that their surroundings began to change, they held hands, running and giggling around.

Shouyou and Atsumu are soulmates. 

That is why Shouyou can tell Atsumu and Osamu apart, that's why both Shouyou and Atsumu radiates a different kind of energy whenever they're around each other, that is why they love it when they're around each other. That is why Shouyou loves Atsumu, just like Atsumu loves Shouyou.

But something had happened.

It was a normal, bright day. Shouyou and Atsumu were already seven and eight years old at that time. Just like usual, after they got home from school, they went to play together.

A day before, they saw a couple of children climbing up a tree and just sat there while talking to each other, seeing the view before them from above. It looked fun and challenging, so they thought that they would give it a try. Besides, no one was watching them and no one was there to scold and stop them from climbing a mango tree near Atsumu's house. Their mother stopped watching over them ever since Shouyou enrolled in elementary school. They were free to play on their own.

Shouyou climbed first. It was hard and he slipped many times, but in the end, he finally did it and he sat there, on a tree branch, laughing while waiting for Atsumu to catch up with him. But before Atsumu could climb, Shouyou fell. It was because he moved around too much in excitement. Falling from a two meters branch could harm any child. He fell on top of Atsumu and they both hit their heads on the ground. Fortunately, there was no bleeding and Shouyou's mom found them not too long after he fell while she was trying to get Shouyou to have a quick afternoon shower, and so both Shouyou and Atsumu got treated in the hospital quickly.

Two weeks after they released Atsumu from the hospital and three weeks after the incident occurred, The Miyas moved out somewhere. They didn't say any goodbyes. They didn't tell anyone where they were going. No one even knows why they moved out and the rumors around the cluster area say that it's because of the incident between Shouyou and Atsumu, though The Hinatas don't believe those rumors. Maybe they moved out because of something else.

Shouyou was released after three weeks in the hospital, only to forget everything about Atsumu. His name, his face, his eye color, his voice, the memory of them meeting for the first time, when they first saw colors the moment they looked into each other's eyes, the first time they talked, all the things they have spent together the past two years, the last time they talked, everything.

When his mom told him that Atsumu and his family had moved out, all Shouyou said was, "Who is Atsumu?" and when his mom showed him a picture of him and Atsumu, he shakes his head. He can recognize himself, but he doesn't know the black-haired boy who's a little bit taller than him on that picture.

His parents were so worried. But the doctor never told their parents that Shouyou suffered from a temporary memory loss because he didn't suffer from it. Shouyou remembers everything perfectly. Except for Atsumu and the memories he had of him.

_The soulmates that once met and have spent everyday's life, had just forgotten each other._

[***]

Shouyou's favorite color is brown.

Brown is a warm color. The color brown reminds him of so many things. The soil and how it smells like when droplets from rain absorbed into them, the wood in the forest and how he can hear cicadas that are creating a calming harmony with their screech, the leaves that are falling to the ground during autumn, hot chocolate he made to warm himself in winter ─ and the most important thing is that the color brown reminds him of Tooru.

Tooru has brown eyes and brown hair. They're Shouyou's favorites. Shouyou loves to stare at Tooru's brown eyes, he won't ever get bored with it. Shouyou loves it too when Tooru's brown eyes are staring at him. Tooru's hair, Shouyou loves to ruffle it, sometimes when it gets much longer than they expected, Tooru would tie them and then put hairclip on his long bangs. But Shouyou loves it when his hair is fluffy and long like that. He can stroke it or ruffle it all day he wants. So he prefers Tooru without hair tie and hairclip and Tooru doesn't mind that.

Shouyou is now sitting alone on the couch in their living room, staring at beige-colored wallpaper in front of him. His cat is sitting on top of his lap, purring as Shouyou gently stroke its whole body. It's almost 10 PM ─ 9:40 PM to be exact. He had just finished watching a volleyball match 10 minutes ago and he swore to himself that he'll go to sleep once the match is over. Tooru is waiting while reading a book in their bedroom.

But here he is, sitting in silence. He already turned off the TV, so now he can hear nothing but his cat's purrs and his own breath.

"Haaaaaah,"

He closed his eyes, hoping that somehow, the silence will help him fall into the land of dreams. If he did fall asleep on the couch, Tooru will carry him to the bedroom and tuck him anyways, and the next morning he'll wake up by Tooru's side. Just like he always does.

But he can't. His body won't allow him to sleep and his eyelids can't stay still. They keep shaking as he forces them to close.

He opened his eyes. Vision is a little bit blurry, probably because he keeps forcing to close his eyes earlier.

At first, he didn't realize it, but soon it hits him. The colors, they're gradually fading away. The beige-colored wallpaper on his apartment slowly turning into a different shade of white, the green leaves of a plant on the couch's right slowly becoming a different shade of black, it's becoming greyish. Shouyou glanced upon the pictures of him and Tooru he put on a shelf on the couch's left and the colors are fading away too. His eyes becoming watery. _This can't be happening._

"T-tooru," he sobbed. "Tooru! Tooru! TOORU!" he shouted Tooru's name.

Tooru rushed to Shouyou who's sitting still ─ frozen on the couch while tears started to fall from his eyes. Tooru knelt down in front of Shouyou as he holds his hands. "Sho? Are you okay? What happened?"

Shouyou's eyes observed his lover who is kneeling down in front of him, with such a worry look on his face. Tooru's brown hair and eyes that Shouyou always adore, Tooru's fair skin that Shouyou loves to touch, Tooru's favorite dark blue pajamas who was Tooru's birthday gift from Shouyou, they're all fading away. Slowly, becoming black and white.

"T-the colors..." Shouyou stuttered. His eyes who were staring at the void then averted to Tooru's eyes. Tooru's brown eyes he loves the most is gone. Now it's all black in his eyes. His vision is blurry from his tears. "I can't see them... Tooru, I can't see them."

Tooru knows what exactly does that means, and so does Shouyou.

When your other half ─ or what people say, soulmate, dies, you won't be able to see colors anymore. The world will turn to black and white again, just like the time when you haven't met your soulmate. And it's painful. The colors are being taken away from you the moment your other half dies. It's cruel. The universe is so cruel.

Tooru didn't wipe Shouyou's tears but instead, he hugs him, so tightly. Shouyou don't have any memories of his soulmate, he forgot everything about them, their name, their face, their voice, the first and the last time they talked, their touch, their smell, the things they love to do together, the time and memories they have spent together, Shouyou don't have any memories of them and now his world is turning to monochrome ─ Shouyou hasn't met his soulmate again since the last time they first met.

Shouyou cries, he screams. It's so painful, it's suffocating him. The fact that he has to spent the rest of his life seeing the world in black and white doesn't really matter to him, but the fact that he can never meet his soulmate in this lifetime is.

He buried his face on Tooru's shoulder. The universe is too cruel for him.

He wished, there will be a lifetime where the universe is kind to him, a lifetime where he meets his soulmate and will never forget about him, a lifetime where he and soulmate are together. For at least there's a hope for them to finally let go of the suffocating feelings they're feeling right now.

_At least, they see the world in colors until the last breath they took._


	2. In Another Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The warmth of the sun and the forgotten love have returned to their side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets better i swear

The world is boring.

That's what Atsumu thinks every day. The scenery before him only appears in dark and light, just in different shades. People say it's colored in black and white. Apparently color is a certain spectrum that can be found within the lights and with the help of our eyes, we can capture different colors aside from black and white. Black is the absence of or complete absorption of light. While white is the presence of all basic colors in a maximum state with equal proportions due to the reflection of most wavelengths of visible light. That's what they told you in high school. They say every human has a soulmate, and by the time our eyes met theirs, we can suddenly see the world in colors — we'll finally be able to see the world in different spectrums we found within the lights.

_Bullshit._

It's too good to be true, at least, that's what Atsumu thinks. It sounds cliche to him. _I mean, it's been 18 years and I'm still seeing black and white._

But as cliche as it seems like, he sometimes found himself wondering, how does it feel like to see colors? How will our eyes perceive colors? Will flowers stay as beautiful as they are with colors? Will the scenery before him somehow becomes even prettier with colors? Will the world become less boring with colors? Maybe. Because he has heard countless times, people, well not only people but his friends too, getting excited when they finally meet their soulmates and see colors for the first time. Maybe everything is even more beautiful with colors. Especially when you have a soulmate by your side — a person who makes your life becomes colorful.

It's beautiful and all but to think that when one day your soulmates die, the colors gradually fade away, and the world turns back to black and white, that would be depressing, isn't it? Your soulmate is taken away from you, and you can't see the beauty of this world anymore as because the colors are taken away the same time your soulmate's soul goes up there becoming one with the stars.

_But maybe it's not that bad._

Atsumu leaned on the bridge railing. It's spring. Flowers — cherry blossoms are blooming around him. The weather is nice. It's not too hot, but not cloudy either. He can see cherry blossoms floating on and covering the river stream. Will this scenery before him becomes more beautiful with colors? Maybe. He doesn't know. His world is black and white. He can't tell.

"Waah, it's so pretty! I wonder if it's even more pretty in colors..." a soft voice can be heard exactly from next to him. He can see a boy around his age and a little bit smaller than him smiling widely as he sees cherry blossoms on the river stream.

The boy averted his glance towards Atsumu's eyes and as the wind strokes their bodies, their vision becomes blurry at first then slowly, different shade of colors suddenly becomes visible. They can see how each other's eyes turn into a different color. What color is it, they don't know. They have never seen them before. The cherry blossoms, the bridge railing they're leaning on, the sky and everything around them gradually become colorful. It feels warm to see certain colors as if it's welcoming you. It feels energizing yet it feels so soft.

Everything suddenly makes sense and there are mixed feelings between happiness and relief. Atsumu understands where the happiness comes from, but the feeling of relief? He can't tell. But it's that feeling when you have missed someone so much that your chest hurts even thinking about them for the slightest bit, and then you see them standing in front of you. It's that kind of feeling.

Both Atsumu and the boy just stood there, as if they're frozen in time. Eyes wide open and mouth hanging in awe.

Then a teardrop fell from the boy's right eye, followed by another one from his left eye, and later, the tears are running through his soft and plump cheeks. Seeing that, Atsumu blinked a few times, then proceed to take one step closer to the boy. "Why are ya crying?"

Somehow, Atsumu wanted so bad to wipe the boy's tears. Somehow, he wanted to hold the boy in his arms and never let him go.

"A-aah," The orange-haired boy blinked a few times as he came to realization that he's crying, and his soulmate is standing right in front of him. "Eh? Uh, sorry, I don't know why I'm crying either..."

The boy wiped his tears, then gently slapped his cheeks for a few times. "Maybe it's because the world suddenly becomes beautiful, eh?"

"Yeah, maybe," the orange-haired boy smiled. "I'm Shouyou! It's so amazing to finally meet you."

Atsumu gave him a soft and warm smile. "The name's Atsumu. Nice to meet ya, Sho-chan."

Then, they spent the rest of their day together. Just the two of them, being excited to see the things they usually see in black and white to radiates in vibrant colors. If anything, maybe this is the best day in their life. Meeting each other in spring, as pink and soft cherry blossoms blooming around them while the bird chirps creating a joyful harmony. They eat lots of street foods they love to eat that are becoming even more delicious, they see the sun sets down while the sky is painted in red and orange, then they see the moon glowing in yellowish color with stars accompanying on the sky creating a beautiful pattern. It's all beautiful.

They sat together, under the cherry blossom tree as warm colors from lanterns shining brightly. Them exchanging questions, about their favorite food, favorite drink, favorite thing to do, favorite boba tea, favorite color, everything. It's as if they're finally catching up with old, long lover. Atsumu is warm, that's what Shouyou thought. Shouyou loves his eye color, his smile, his voice, his hair, his gentle touch, everything. And for Atsumu, Shouyou is just like the sun. Shouyou is bright, he radiates so much energizing energy, an overflowing love, and Atsumu loves it. Atsumu loves how Shouyou closed his eyes when he smiled so widely, Atsumu loves it when Shouyou called his name, Atsumu loves Shouyou's laugh.

They both feel like they're matched for each other. As if they're more than just soulmates.

Years later and the feeling of them seeing each other for the first time still linger within their bodies and minds. Somehow, the moment their eyes locked on each other, they feel a longing feeling of something they couldn't explain, it pained them. But it all washed up soon as the colors become visible on their eyes. It feels as if they feel relief, meeting someone they have missed for such a long time.

"Tsumu-san," Shouyou called out for his name. They're sitting next to each other on the couch, on their small apartment, but big enough for the two of them.

"Mhm? What is it, Shouyou?"

Shouyou hugged him, very tightly. No reason. He just wanted to hug his lover. Shouyou loves it when he's inside Atsumu's arms. The best place on earth, if he were to describe it. It's warm and he feels safe there. 

Atsumu smiled, and hugged Shouyou back. He kissed the tip of Shouyou's nose.

"Tsumu-san, do you think we were like this in our previous lifetime?"

"Hm..." Atsumu muttered as he stared on the ceiling then seconds later, he averted his eyes towards Shouyou. "I don't know. But the fact that I met ya seven years ago and yer still here, right now, proves that we will be always together in our next lifetimes."

Shouyou giggled. "You're so cheesy, Tsumu-san!"

Atsumu's face becomes bright red as a result of it. An awkward laugh left from his mouth. "Yer killing me here."

But Atsumu is right. The fact that they both met seven years ago, under blooming cherry blossoms is proving that they will always meet again and be together again in their next lifetime. After all, they're bound by the red string of fate. They finally found each other, after so many painful lifetimes, they found each other here and right now. And the universe have no right to separate them ever again. They won't ever feel the same pain they felt before. The finally got their happy ending.

Atsumu and Shouyou are soulmates, bound by the red string of fate.

This is the lifetime Atsumu and Shouyou wished so bad on their previous lifetimes. A lifetime where they could stare into each other's eyes without ever forgetting them, a lifetime where they could hear each other's voices, a lifetime where they could feel each other's touch, where they could hold onto each other. A lifetime where instead of feeling the suffocating hollow pain from his chest, they feel overflowing love. A lifetime where they feel nothing but happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> waaaah i have mixed feelings about this... also this is kinda rushed, so i hope you enjoyed it! anyways im on [twitter](https://twitter.com/gimodero) heheh mwah


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